But, as Matthew says, “Muscles don’t give a shit if it’s labeled for women, so you pop one of those up your booty hole, you turn it on and it shocks you into doing kegels.” (Matthew also recommends vibrating kegel balls. They’re typically marketed more toward women who, after giving birth, may deal with incontinence, a higher risk of the almost never fun pelvic organ prolapse and reduced vaginal elasticity. To accomplish his mission, he’s gotten his pelvic floor into prime shape, through various exercises as well as the use of electrical muscle stimulation machines that work via anal probe. Let’s jerk off a lot, he thought to himself back in March.
There was also one 35-year-old North Hollywood man we’ll call “Matthew” who began training his body so he could shoot his cum farther than anyone else in the world. They finished fucktons of puzzles, plated meals in the spirit of Michelin-starred chefs and reinvigorated the snail mail industry through pen pal-ing.
As Americans toiled through what some are already calling this year’s “ Lost Spring ,” with coronavirus depriving our schedules of haircuts, movie-going and pretty much all other acts of fraternity, people filled their free time in myriad ways.
